Local Single “Doesn’t Even Care That It’s Valentine’s Day…”


According to local reports, local single Theresa is “totally okay about being single on Valentine’s Day”. The twenty-seven-year-old waitress repeatedly stressed that “Valentine’s Day is stupid anyways” and that she is not at all jealous of her friends ‘stuck’ in long-term relationships.

“I’m focusing on my career” she repeated to herself several times throughout the day.

When she noticed our intrepid reporter, the mysteriously red-eyed Theresa smiled a duck-face, took a selfie and posted it online with the hashtag #lovinglife.

As he followed her around, sometimes on dubious legal ground, your reporter could not help but admire her steadfast resolve to love life and focus on her career.

As of press time Theresa was sobbing into her pillow after a one-night stand.

Gary Bigwood
Reporting For The Lapine



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