Local Woman Can’t Decide What Type of Slut to be for Halloween

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PORT COQUITLAM, BC — Faced with a decision she knows will make or break her Halloween partying, local woman Cindy Dobson is torn over what sort of slut to dress up as on fright night this year. 

Slutty nun. Slutty Girl Guide leader. Slutty Oprah Winfrey.

Costume store workers say that the majority of women’s Halloween costumes for sale or rent are now geared for the popular skanky street-walker look.

“But I don’t want to be just any slut,” Dobson (25) told the Port Coquitlam News.

“I need to dress up as someone who is slutty but not in a costume so slutty that actual sluts might wear it to the party…they know who they are.”

“I need a smarter outfit…like a slutty Celine Dion. You know, something that says, ‘I’m only pretending to be a slut’.”

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Independent reports have confirmed that, while party-going females struggle to determine the right level of whoredom to exemplify on October 31st, the true victims are the prostitutes who can no longer be differentiated from the masses.

“I’ll probably have to dress up wearing a For Rent sign dangling over my vagina or something,” noted long-time sex-trade worker Barbara Thompson.

Not surprisingly, Gallop Polls have confirmed Halloween as the favorite festive holiday among young men.

“It’s like Comic Con with cleavage and some camel toes,” noted a 35-year-old teenager buying Doctor Spock ears and a Star Trek phaser set to stun.

“It’s all just pretend though…I know these broads aren’t professional sluts.”

Costume store managers are warning shoppers in advance that the slutty Hello Kitty outfits are long since sold out.

Pierre Trudat
Reportering for The Lapine

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