Made-in-Vietnam Timbits Will Taste the Same Says Harper as TPP Deal Inked

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OTTAWA — Prime Minister Stephen Harper went live on an Ottawa radio station this morning to reassure Canadians that Timbits made in Vietnam, flash-frozen, and then shipped to Canada will taste exactly the same.

The unusual move by Harper to give a live interview comes on the heels of the Prime Minister announcing he has granted his approval to the sweeping Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP).

“Friends. We’re talking about little deep-fried balls of dough here,” Harper told 105.3 Kiss FM’s morning hosts Carter Brown and Sandra Plagakis.

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“It doesn’t matter if Timbits are made in Canada or not — I ate a half-dozen chocolate glazed bits from Hanoi for breakfast this morning and they didn’t taste foreign to me.”

“The TPP is a fantastic deal for our new Canada. We had to give up a few things here and there but, hey, we’re now playing in the big leagues of global trade.”

National polls continue to show that most Canadians have “no bloody idea” what the TPP is with more than 80% saying all they know about the binding trade deal is that it’s a secret. Despite little or no understanding of the TPP, more than 34% of people polled say they will support “whatever the heck it is” if Mr. Harper says it’s good for them.

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The TPP is being put into law by 12 countries: Australia, Brunei, Canada, Chile, Japan, Malaysia, Mexico, New Zealand, Peru, Singapore, the United States, and Vietnam. The Philippines was denied membership in the group largely because they don’t have anything any country wants.

Most of Canada’s biggest corporations and all multi-national companies operating in the country have welcomed the TPP agreement with one coal company FedEx-ing “TPP is Good for Me” t-shirts to their shareholders.

“Our auto industry workers will be re-energized by exciting new competition,” Harper told Carter and Sandra.

“And Canadians will see exotic new dairy products on their grocery shelves.”

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“Sure, there will be some minor, minor, minor increases in the cost of prescription and over-the-counter drugs, and maybe the loss of a few jobs and some manufacturing companies but opening our borders is what’s best for real Canadians.

“But the world is still a dangerous place,” added Harper over his shoulder as he left the Ottawa radio station studio.

Early public reaction to the TPP agreement has been largely non-existent according to social media tracking but the Ottawa Citizen is reporting that “up to a dozen protesters” pelted Harper’s government limo with Timbits and sausage Breakfast Sandwiches as it left the Kiss FM parking lot this morning.

Stu Wright
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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