Man Living in Micro Home Sadly Not Getting Laid
KAMLOOPS, B.C. — As a result of attempts to reduce his carbon footprint, local male Colby Richmond has also drastically reduced his vagina footprint.
“My hipster friends were ‘Liking’ a lot of posts about micro homes on Facebook. So, I framed up a house on an old trailer frame,” Richmond told the Kamloops Daily News.
The 300 square foot dwelling is fully portable, equipped with solar panel roofing, and features a tastefully finished interior.
“I sleep up there in the bunk. But as you can see, that pretty much rules out doggy style or cowgirl. I pulled off missionary once, but got a lot slivers in my back from the tongue and grove cedar on the ceiling. Spooning is basically the only option, but I feel like that really only gets used in porn cuz of the good camera angles.”
And Richmond isn’t the only one affected by the micro home libido scrooge. “My buddy Todd made a micro home out of a shipping container, but I have to admit, it looks kinda ‘rapey’.”
Still, the trend towards micro homes has ignited an important debate on the principles we value as a society says Richmond.
“The toilet is fully composting but women are terribly self-conscious about you finding out that they actually shit. I had one girl over and I’m pretty sure she left just because she had to shit. The bathroom door is paper thin and in that tiny bathroom a toilet is basically just an amphitheatre for your farts”.
On whether he planned to continue occupying the cock-blocking abode, Richmond solemnly confided, “I shoulda bought my uncle’s Winnebago..could at least get head while I’m driving.”
Reportering for The Lapine