Man Talking at Urinals Just Wants You To Accept Jesus into Your Life
NEW YORK — A new study says that more than 90% of men will sneak a peek at your penis while you’re urinating at a public urinal but it’s most often got nothing to do with horny homosexuality.
“They’re usually not admiring your penis per se,” Dr. Edward Petang, Director of Comparative Studies at the Mayo Clinic, told the New York Times today.
“Most men are quite fond of their penises and just want to reassure themselves that their dink is bigger than yours…and much more attractive.”
“So they’ll act casual, say something about the weather or the big game to put you at ease, and then sneak a gawk at your thingee.”
“The vast majority of men do size up their urinal neighbor but most do it silently. They find the whole talking thing kinda creepy.”
“Others, however, yak at you as they angle to get a better eyeful.”
Petang’s two-year study also found that amateur evangelists seldom miss the opportunity to practice converting wayward men and say they have a high success ratio when men are holding their penises.
“The fundamentalists in our study said that public washrooms are an excellent place to share the word of God and many said they visit dozens of facilities in movie theaters, malls and roadside rest stops every day…even when they don’t have to urinate,” said Petang.
“Unfortunately, several indicated that it is not uncommon to be verbally attacked when inviting a urinating man to discover the joys of Jesus.”
“The biggest finding of our study was that you should fully expect to have another man look at your penis whenever you pee in public.”
“You can either cup yourself if you’re uncomfortable or just relax and go with it.”
“And if a man starts talking to you at the porcelain he’s likely comparing size and shape not getting his gay jollies.”
“Or he wants you to meet his Jesus…”
Reportering for The Lapine