Man who has no damn idea about Game of Thrones fakes it at work



CHICAGO, IL — When all the talk around the coffee pot this morning was about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, 33-year-old accountant’s assistant Delwyn (not his real name) felt he just had to fake it.

And he thinks it went quite well actually.

“I really love the Throne…all swordy and knifey and everything,” he said when there was a pause in the excited talking.

Puzzled co-workers looked at Delwyn like he was a simpleton but he was pretty confident that there is in fact a throne in the HBO fantasy/drama TV series so he forged ahead.


“I mean I love the Game part too but that Throne — oooo man –now that’s a Throne,” said Delwyn, oblivious to the snickering of his colleagues who were already making mental notes to cancel lunch dates with him.

Delwyn is among the estimated 114 people who didnt watch Game of Thrones last night, and is also among an even smaller group of 48 who don’t know what the hell a Wildling is and only vaguely know that the series is about Lords and Ladies brutally killing the shit out of each other back in the feudal days of questionable hygiene.


“I thought it was just another fucked up reality show until I googled it…gratuitous sex and violence sort of appealed but I just couldn’t figure out what was going on.  I kept on flipping back to watch Modern Family,” said Delwyn.

“Best I can tell from reading about past seasons, Ygrette killed Pyp, then Jon killed Styr the Magnar of Thenn, then Olly killed Ygrette which really pissed off Jon and he stormed off to go kill Mance.”

AverageGuy30“And there’s a short guy in there somewhere.”

Last night’s broadcast drew an estimated audience of 24 million viewers topping the 22 million who watched the final episode of the hit comedy/drama series Breaking Badly.

“I think I totally nailed ’em with my Throne comment,” said a smiling Delwyn later as he readied himself for a mid-morning return to the coffee room.

“This time I’m going to say, “I really loved the thematic tie-ins to modern issues of class inequalities and struggles”…get all insightful and everything. That’ll wow ’em.”

“The gang’s all looking at me differently now — like with new respect or something.  Turns out obsessing about Game of Thrones is actually kind of a blast.”

“And because I’ve never watched it, I never have to say SPOILER ALERT.”

“I’m going to go out after work and buy a Game of Thrones hoodie.”

“Hope I can find one with the Throne on it.  Man, now that’s a Throne if I ever saw a Throne.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine





You may also like...