Maple Leafs Sue Gatorade For “Watered-Down” Water

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Papers filed in Manhattan District Court by Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment (MLSE) accuse PepsiCo and the NHL of combining to “keep the Leafs out of the playoffs” by altering the formulas of their sports drinks for different teams.

MLSE seeks $114,000,000.67 in restitution.

“Our team has noticed a taste difference from when we play a home game and an away game,” said Toronto Maple Leaf’s GM Brian Burke.  “Dion used to love the stuff when he played for the Flames…now he drinks tea.  That says it all right there.”

The lawsuit states that “PepsiCo and the National Hockey League with taste tests by Commissioner Gary Bettman did knowingly alter the water, carbohydrate, and electrolyte flavour goop formula to favour teams supported by Mr. Bettman.”

A short statement was issued by the National Hockey League from Oahu where talks are on about the Phoenix Coyotes:

“The National Hockey League” read the entire statement.

The Toronto Maple Leafs are the most valuable National Hockey team franchise with an estimated value, minus outstanding coupons, of Nova Scotia.

Gatorade was created in Florida in 1965 to boost the energy levels of the U of F’s sports teams, the Gators.  Now the leading sports drink in the $2 billion market, Gatorade refused comment except to say, “Our new G Series is awesome. Mango. Who can go wrong with Mango?”

Don Cherry, on his “Rock ’em Knock His Head Off” website said, “I love these guys.  Good Toronto boys.”

 

Steve Boyd

Reporting from The Lapine

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