Marijuana Legalization Destroys Colorado and Washington


SEATLE -Colorado and Washington, two states once known for their productivity, industry and  being proponents of the American Dream. Yet on November 7th,both states passed ballot initiatives legalizing recreational marijuana use.

Since then utter calamity and disaster has befallen both states. Now that marijuana has been legalized at the state level, productivity in the public and private spheres has disappeared. The streets are overrun in crime, while dilapidated buildings fall apart. Impending rumors of the ascension of the anti-Christ and storms of blood sweeping across the afflicted states are still unverified but probably true.

Such a disaster should have been foreseen. The Republicans had warned of the consequences, pointing to such situations as the Netherlands, where chaos may or may not have reigned after the limited legalization of marijuana.

Our reporters interviewed one of the stoned zombies wandering the streets of Denver. The weed-zombie, self-identifying as an ‘Amanda Stone’ managed to get out a single sentence before sliding back into a marijuana dozed haze. “I used to chain smoke and binge drink cause that was legal, but now that marijuana is legal it must be good too, so now I’m always stoned.”

This same logic seems to have infected the rest of the formerly innocent populace and not just the ones over twenty-one whom the legalization is limited to. The youth, emulating their older peers have taken to marijuana as well. Schools sit as empty as the heads of the weed-zombies wandering the streets.

As of press release, the mayor of Denver, Mr. Hancock was, like most public officials of the state after legalization, unavailable for comment.

Flynn Pomeroy

Reporting for The Lapine



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