“Man oh man, those babies just kept slidin’ outta Maylean…and we kept namin’ em…whoosh, Mitt, whoosh, Mitt, whoosh, Mitt, whoosh, Mitt, whoosh, Mitt,” laughed new father Bo (58), a sales rep for Dixie Cajun Catfish speaking from the courtyard of the Choctaw Ridge Hospital and Old Men and Women’s Housing Complex in the state capital, Jackson.Both parents are staunch Republicans and say that naming thier children after Mitt Romney is a tribute to “the greatest President the United States is about to ever have…although George W kicked some serious commie same-sexer ass too.”From her hospital bed, Maylean said angrily that “liberal losers” who are making jokes about Mitt being the chosen name for all her new babies, especially the girls, are just “prejudical.” (sic)
As she handed out cigars to friends, family, local reporters, and Tea Party officials, new grandmother Luellen Wallace (38) said the children will likely be called by hyphenated names to differrentiate them. Lighting up and puffing happily, she pointed through the observation window at the 5 baby bassinets standing in a row with names marker-penned on sheets of 3-hole, lined paper. Each double-barrelled name was explained by Wallace.
For the girls:
Mitts-Boots (after Ann Romney’s nickname Boots),
Mitts-Nikki (after South Carolina Republican Governor Nikki Haley),
Mitts-Ayn (after author Ayn Rand)
For the boys:
Mitts-Paul (after VP candidate Paul Ryan),
Mitts-Rush (after ultra-conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh).Mitt Romney telephoned congratulations from one of his Florida homes, while Republican Governor Phil Bryant, Republican Lieutenant Governor Tate Reeves, Republican Senator Thad Cochran, and Republican Senator Roger Wicker sent joint good wishes and 5 Magnolia tree saplings adorned with mittens on all the branches.Mississippi is solidly Republican and, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, is the most religious state in the country with 59% of the population saying they are “very, very, very religious.” With a population of approximately 3 million, the most-misspelled state has an estimated 1.25 million active Baptists, 500,000 active Methodists, over 1,000 practising Jews, and 8 Muslims.
The Mitt quintuplets will be welcomed to their home in Biloxi by their sisters Condoleeza (4) and Palin (2), and brothers Billy-Graham (3) and W (1).
Reporting for The Lapine