Most Dads Just Wanted a Baggie of Weed for Father’s Day
NEW YORK — Old Spice Cologne? Neckties with a goofy golf theme? Six-packs of tube socks? Or barbecue aprons with matching chef’s hats?
According to a Hallmark Cards online survey conducted last week, most Dads were pretty sure they knew what they were getting for Father’s Day this year.
But most Dads admitted they what secretly wanted was a loving baggie of marijuana.
“Yeah, I know there’s not a chance in hell it’s going to happen but you’ve got to admit pot makes an excellent gift for any occasion,” said a Toronto father who took part in last week’s survey.
“I mean I totally love it that my wife gets me the same gifts from my kids for Father’s Day every year and I’m not complaining but she needs to shake things up a bit.”
“Like, I’ve got to ask ya. Aftershave that makes me smell like I rolled in muskrat pooh…orrrr…some big laughs after the kids go to bed? A few bags of Doritos. A couple of Klondike Bars. Maybe order in some Thai food. No comparison.”
The telephone poll conducted last week showed that 78% of fathers said they already have 3 or more bottles of Brut or Old Spice from previous Father’s Days — 52% said they have more socks than they can shake a leg at — and dozens said they want to smash the Big Mouth Singing Sea Bass they got last year.
Reportering for The Lapine