MPs Get into Ugly Food Fight Just Hours After Trudeau’s “Sunny Ways” Throne Speech
OTTAWA — Police say charges are likely after Conservative, NDP, and Liberal MPs went for a few friendly drinks last night following the Throne Speech but ended up arguing, shoving, and hurling chicken wings and Shepherd’s pie at each other.
“I can confirm that 32 Members of Parliament were involved in a series of aggressive food-related incidents late yesterday at D’Arcy McGee’s Pub near Parliament Hill,” Ottawa Police Chief Charles Bordeleau told CTV today.
“We are reviewing security tapes but it appears that several Liberals took offence after a Conservative MP snuck up behind Prime Minister Trudeau and carefully and quietly “crowned” his hair with several calamari rings dripping with ranch dressing.”
“Two Liberal MPs responded by pelting the Conservative member with their vegetable curries — things escalated quickly from there.”
“Seven Members of Parliament were treated at the scene for minor injuries and one New Democrat was transported to hospital to have several coconut shrimp removed from his nasal cavity,” said Bordeleau, unable to suppress a grin.
“Alcohol is believed to have been involved.”
The restaurant confrontation between members of the three parties is in sharp contrast to the upbeat mood in the House earlier in the day when Justin Trudeau continued his push for “sunny ways” in government with the Liberals presenting their first Speech from the Throne that, among other things, asked all MPs to stop being “arrogant blow-hards” and to show a new respect for other members of Parliament.
That brief session of Parliament ended with a group hug that Conservatives declined to take part in.
“I was in a few food fights in college but that? That was wild!” said Rory Tanner, Manager of D’Arcy McGee’s.“One minute all these MPs were hugging and being nicey nice and the next minute they were hurling meatloaf sandwiches at each other. When I saw that young Pierre Poilievre guy pinning down Thomas Mulcair and smearing beet hummus into his beard, I knew it was time to dial 911 — our beet hummus is terrific by the way.”
CTV is reporting that not all of the food fighting was between members of different parties however, as police had to separate former National Defence Minister Jason Kenney and interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose who reportedly had Kenney in a headlock and was in the act of cramming poutine in his ear.
Reportering for The Lapine