New Brunswick to Drop “New” From Provincial Name
FREDERICTON, BRUNSWICK – In a stunning announcement in the former New Brunswick, new Liberal Premier Brian Gallant has announced that his party will move forward with controversial legislation that will drop the ‘New’ from the official provincial title of ‘New Brunswick’ in advance of Canada’s 150th anniversary celebrations.
“Well, we’re just not that new anymore,” the young premier said in summing up his logic in revealing the stunning new news about nixing the ‘New’ in Brunswick at a press conference from the sparkling, new Richard J. Currie Centre on the UNB Fredericton campus.
He went on to reason that, “It’s like this: this building is new; my Liberal government is new; heck – I’m even new. [In reference to his youthful age of 32 that drew some laughs from the press gallery] But one thing that isn’t new is Brunswick.”
The event then proceeded to showcase a sleekly-produced promotional video entitled “There’s Nothing New About My Brunswick”, featuring local celebrities such as Robb Wells, Russ Howard, and Anne Murray sporting specially designed t-shirts that had the ‘New’ in Brunswick crossed out and replaced with ‘My’.
(Wells was spotted drinking a ‘Mai Brunswick’, a special version of the rum/curacao/lime juice drink that replaced the Rum & Coke drink popularized on his hit Trailer Park Boys show).
Even Moncton Wildcats mascot Wild Willie was on hand for the event, sporting the same ‘My Brunswick’ t-shirt and doing backflips to Murray’s 1969 hit This Is My Way.
When the Premier was asked whether he thought that other places should follow Brunswick’s lead, Gallant replied, “And just what is so ‘Nova’ about ‘Scotia’? Heck, even their bank has dropped the misleading misnomer”, before kissing his fingers, pointing at the camera and calling out Nova Scotian Premier Stephen McNeil by name.