New Study Finds Irish Language Not Gibberish



CALGARY, AB — It’s a common observation that Irish people sound as though they know something you don’t. Even when they are singing some stupid shit.

Surprisingly, a scientific study recently revealed that they actually do know more than you, but they’re not letting on exactly what it is. It’s all part of their mystery.

Interviewed at our Calgary office, Irishman Sean Patrick was quite forthcoming:

“Ay-dee ay-dee opperty opperty Peggy O’Flaherty’s gone to the zoo,” he sang very convincingly as he danced on tiptoes.

“Tis never so long that she’s ganglin’ to me,” he added with a grin. “To be sure.” He then disappeared in the twinkling of an eye, leaving behind only the faint smell of expensive soap applied in a babbling brook.

NDP leader Thomas Mulcair, half Irish, told reporters that Mr. Patrick knows what he’s talking about but he was taken aback when “the little bugger” goosed him.

Patrick’s facts certainly could not be refuted, even in hindsight. Science has finally confirmed what many have long suspected – the Irish are indubitably a magical people.

Leo Thradington
Reportering for The Lapine



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