Obama’s Al-Queda Backers Pull Funding For His Re-Election Campaign

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As of April 27, the terrorist network known as Al-Qaeda has announced their intent to cease funding the Obama campaign. Al-Qaeda spokesperson Mustafa Al-Fariq provided Lapine reporters with several justifications for this act, claiming that the American president has left them with no options.

Convinced that a fellow Muslim in the most powerful office in the world would be a good thing, Al-Qaeda happily jumped behind the ‘Yes We Can’ bandwagon. Now, almost four years later, many terrorist groups who helped financed the Obama campaign, including Al-Qaeda, are beginning to have their doubts.

As one Islamic terrorist who asked not to be identified reported to The Lapine. “Barrack Obama really hasn’t followed through with any of his promises to us. He has started no new bloody Middle Eastern wars to polarize our countrymen and drive them into our hands.  He has even started winding down Iraq and Afghanistan. There was a day when recruiting in Iraq was as easy as riding a camel or shooting an Ak-47 at foreign infidel invaders. Now with most of the Americans gone, most people don’t want anything to do with us anymore.”

When pressed, our unnamed Jihadist conceded that, facing increasing pressure from Pan-Arabic terrorists, the president did enter into another Middle Eastern intervention. However as far as Al-Qaeda is concerned, the Libya intervention is too little, too late and done completely wrong.

Again though, according to the Salafist spokesperson Mustafa Al-Fariq, the Libyan intervention does not add up to what was promised and expected. The Libyan intervention he says, was neither a unilateral or illegal action and furthermore, even ended up protecting civilian lives. “Obama is fighting with, rather then against, the Arab masses, supporting their fight against tyranny. That was not our agreement, that is our niche and he is stealing it from us. Do you know how hard it is for us to recruit suicide bombers in Libya nowadays? Almost impossible I tell you. Not even Obama’s assistence to Osama at staging his own death can make up for this”.

Al-Fariq’s deeply felt sentiments of disappointment are echoed by Islamic terrorists all across the Arab world. Hussein Al-Sallik, leader of the jihadist group ‘Army of God,’ has even gone as far as to wish for a return of former president George Bush. “Bush was an blasphemous infidel, but at least we knew where he stood. We extremists sort of rely on people like that to stay popular and relevant,” is how Al-Sallik expressed his nostalgic feelings for the former president.

Meanwhile the Peoples Republic of China is also considering cutting their funds for the Obama campaign. Top Chinese officials cited this as a response to the virtual failure of the implementation of Obama’s universal health care bill. Universal healthcare that would have turned the United States into a totalitarian one party state, just as it has in Canada and most of Western Europe. Unless this bill is miraculously revived, Barrack Obama will find himself losing another powerful backer, increasing the troubles the already embattled and increasingly unpopular president faces.

Carl Welsenry

The Lapine’s Senior Political Analyst

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