Obama Apologizes to Harper for Not Spying on Him


Coming in the wake of Prime Minister Harper’s expression of ‘hurt’ that he was one of the few world leaders the NSA deemed unworthy of tracking, a belated apology has been issued.

“Okay…this is a new one on me but here goes,” an obviously baffled Obama told equally baffled reporters at the White House this afternoon as he responded to a late-night phone message from Prime Minister Harper demanding that he be added to the list of “Top 100 World Leaders Worth Spying On” and get equal treatment to French President Francois Hollande, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, the Pope, and an assortment of other world leaders.

“I am sorry, Mr. Harper, that the National Security Agency has never read one of your personal e-mails. And I will make sure that you are added to our list of “Top 100 World Leaders Worth Spying On.”

Stephen Harper

“Hey. Mr. Harper says he’s feeling left out of the world leader gang so for that I offer my apologies… I’ve got to say though that I never imagined that any Prime Minister would be mad at me for not snooping his private stuff.”

Mr. Harper’s complaints came as Wikileaks published documents revealing that the U.S. has spied on Presidents, Chancellors, Prime Ministers, Popes, and pretty much every tin-pot leader of even the weeniest country in the world except Harper.

“I have asked that someone from some department send some sort of ‘sorry’ note to Prime Minister Harper when they have a minute,” said a grinning Obama.White House spokesman Josh Earnest insisted that not including Mr. Harper among world leaders being spied on was an NSA decision and has nothing to do with widely-held views that President Obama thinks Harper is oily. Earnest refused to comment on Obama calling Harper a “large lump” on a live microphone in 2012.

“The President does not think Mr. Harper is a total waste of space,” said Earnest.

Just-released documents also show the U.S. has spied on numerous French leaders in the recent past but France’s President Francois Hollande has accepted assurances from Obama that these sorts intrusions will never happen again ever, ever.

Hollande’s office reportedly sent Prime Minister Harper a good-natured text following news coverage that the Canadian leader feels left out.

“Hahahahaha,” read the message according to Paris newspaper Le Monde.

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine



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