Obama Denies Mole on His Face is a Measle
WASHINGTON — A coalition of anti-vaccination groups said today that Barack Obama has come down with a case of “the measle” despite being vaccinated as a child.
The groups claim that the mole near the President’s nose is a lone-wolf measle and is proof not only that vaccinations cause autism but also do not protect against the disease and can cause single measles to strike out on their own disguised as moles, warts, or hemorrhoids.
The claim was quickly refuted by White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest who assured Americans that President Obama’s facial mole is a regular, run-of-the-mill mole.
“President Obama does not have the measle,” Earnest told media at a hastily-called briefing.
“The president assured me just an hour ago that his mole is a mole and had me poke it with my finger as proof. I have moles on my back and I can assure you the president’s mole is wiggly and spongy just like my moles.”
Obama’s often-refuted medical records show that he was vaccinated as a child and subsequently did not catch the measles nor get autism. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued a statement just prior to the White House briefing stating that there have been no reported cases of “single moles disguising themselves as moles, oozing pimples, or in-grown hairs.”
“Teaching your children to run from people with a mole is totally unwarranted,” said the CDC media release.
“Vaccinations prevent measles and there is no outbreak of measle.”
Reportering for The Lapine