Patriotic American Families Give Their Welfare to Cash-Strapped U.S. Armed Forces

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WASHINGTON — Twenty-three million low-income people in the United States have now signed a petition to US President Barak Obama asking that their welfare payments be withheld and given to the Armed Forces. 

Specifically, they asked that the money be used to build an additional aircraft carrier.

“This is very decent of them,” commented Admiral Davy Jones, a Deputy Assistant to the Second in Command to the Chief of Naval Staff.

“The law requires us to have 11 fleet carriers in commission. As of now we only have 10. Many other nations have a carrier. Some even have two. We are only safe if we have more than everybody else. Combined.”

The Admiral last month graciously received a deputation of poor people at his Georgetown mansion. He thanked them for their public spirit, and ordered his butler to serve them bags of potato chips and cookies while they waited for the next bus home.

The Navy is having finance problems after its latest construction project, the USS Gerald Ford, exceeded its cost estimate. The Ford, a 112,000-tonne aircraft carrier, was contracted at $12.8 billion, but is currently 22 percent over budget.

But this new money donated by flag-waving Americans on SNAP is now being eyeballed by more than the Navy.

The Army needs more money also and the Generals don’t see why some of this patriotic generosity shouldn’t go their way.

“We need more tanks in the worst way,” declared General G. Patton Hardly, Sub-Head of Co-Congressional Relations for the Army. “What we have is really inadequate. To really meet our security needs, we need a few additional tanks — say 1,000 more of ’em; we could get ’em for no more than a hundred mill each. Plus options.”

And if the funds donated to the Navy aren’t shared?

“Hmm,” mused the General. “Well, there’s plenty of other Americans out there who could pitch in, make a little sacrifice for America. I mean if people who still don’t have ObamaCare just skipped going to hospital emergency rooms one day a week…say Sunday when they’ll be at Church anyways…bingo!”

“If all those savings were donated to the Army, that’s a tank right there!”

Jim Garner
Reportering for The Lapine

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