Perry Using Bigger Words Since Getting Prada Eyeglasses

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HOUSTON — Presidential candidate Rick Perry mostly confused a Republican crowd at a fundraising dinner last night when he used words like “verisimilitude” and “obfuscation.”

But Perry’s aides insist the ex-Governor has always known lots of big words but just could not read the teleprompter until getting his eyes checked and purchasing a pair of Prada “il presidente” glasses ($749 plus the cost of lenses).

“Irregardless of the myopic sybarites who have coagulated power in the White House, I am ruminating a run for President,” Perry said early on in a 20-minute speech peppered with long words.

The gathered GOPers gave Perry seven standing ovations, often not sure what they were clapping for but thinking maybe Perry was saying something about perhaps running for the party’s presidential nomination.

Political analysts were taken aback by Perry’s new and improved vocabulary, and it seemed to have an effect on their own choice of words with Fox News personality Bill O’Reilly actually saying he would have to “postulate” over whether or not Perry’s new specs were the “fountainhead” of his new way of “confabulating.”

Earlier this year, Perry appeared at numerous public events each day sporting a different style of eyeglasses including aviator, granny-glasses and round “Beatlesque” glasses favored by the late John Lennon.

The granny-glasses drew a comment from unannounced-but-fundraising-like-mad presidential candidate Jeb Bush who tweeted “Irregardless isn’t a word Rick. How’re the glasses workin’ for ya? LMFAO.”

“I am desirous of giving the Democrats a dose of vicissitude they didn’t see coming,” said Perry in the closing part of his speech.

The 700 Republicans and Tea Partiers who had paid $2,000 a plate to attend the dinner got their money’s worth in words.

But most said afterwards they had no idea what Perry was talking about.

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine

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