Putin Plans to Reclaim Alaska, Could Sell it to China

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Moscow- Elated by his success in reclaiming Crimea for the Russian Republic, President Vladmir Putin is setting his sights on further expansion. His next target is Alaska.
“Alaska is legitimate Russian territory, just like Crimea,” asserted Kremlin spokesman Ivan Protopopoff. “It should be returned to the Motherland.”

Protopopoff said the alleged sale of Alaska to the United States in the 19th Century was fraudulent. “You can never trust these Yankee snake-oil merchants and their Washington lawyers,” he said. “They just took advantage of the innocent nature of honest Russians.”

The Czarist government of Russia struck a deal in March 1867 with US Secretary of State William H. Seward to cede sovereignty over the territory. The US agreed to pay $7.2 millions in gold within eight months for what was widely regarded as “Seward’s Folly.”

The Americans paid — but by cheque and not until August the following year. Russian lawyers are now telling President Vladmir Putin that the US did not fulfil its commitment and the sale was invalid. The territory can legally be repossessed or resold, they say.

Russia already has 17,075,400 km2 (6.6 million square miles) of territory and doesn’t need any more. The Chinese, however, need space and resources for their 1.35 billion population. If Alaska is up for sale, they want to be first in line. And China can afford it. According to the Wall Street Journal, that nation’s central bank is holding foreign reserves of $3.66 trillions, much of it in US treasury bonds.

Reaction in Ottawa has been muted, but defence officials point out that Alaska has a 2475 km (1538 mile) border with Canada. “It’s one thing to have the world’s longest undefended border with a bunch of pussycats like the Americans,” said Col. Pickering. “Them Chinese? Hmm. That’s something else, hey?”

In Washington, Secretary of State John Kerry said he was not worried. “If they press it, we’ll just send Sara Palin over there,” he said. “They’d have to take her with the rest of Alaska. One look and they’d drop it like the proverbial hot spud.”

A spokesperson at the Chinese embassy in Ottawa refused to confirm any interest in Alaska. However, she said, if there were any truth in it, “ . . . this would be most excellent investment. We looking to use surplus moneys and Alaska is excellent fit.”

“Maybe soon another American state come on market. Or perhaps Canada.”

Jim Garner
Reportering For The Lapine

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