Quebec Bans Cowboy Hats


QUEBEC CITY – On the heels of the Quebec Soccer Federation banning children from wearing turbans while playing in kiddie league games, the Province of Quebec has extended the ban to include cowboy hats being worn anywhere in public by adults or children.

“Cowboy hats are destroying our natural French love of toques,” said Premier Pauline Marois, making the announcement from the steps of the Assemblee Nationale (National Assembly) in Quebec City, wearing a green paisley beret to match her business suit. “And they smell like le poo poo.”

The Quebec ban on children wearing turbans or the smaller keskis and patkas (“handkerchiefs” according to the Premier) while playing soccer goes against the ruling of the Canadian Soccer Federation which has stated clearly that there is no safety issue associated with the Sikh religious headwear.

The Quebec ban on wearing cowboy hats in public, however, appears to have come out of thin air, although some critics are saying it is intended to be a distraction from the turban ban that is largely seen as overt religious intolerance.

“Chapeaux de cowboy are nothing but sneaky Limey cultural terrorists,” said Marois.

“And they are as unsafe as those turbany things. If you lose un oeil…an eye,” said the Premier, demonstrating by covering one eye and grimacing as if in pain, “… you don’t care whether it’s from the sharp brim of a stetson or the snapping sting of a piece of Sheik cloth. Unsafe.”

The move to ban turbans for sporting children has drawn anger from Sikhs and non-Sikhs alike, most pointing out that it’s all just about kids having fun and there is no safety issue.

The move to ban cowboy hats has drawn mostly ridicule but Calgary-raised Prime Minister Stephen Harper reacted angrily saying he’ll wear his suede western hat and sheriff’s badge anywhere in Canada he wants.

Marois says the voters of Quebec have always supported protecting the French Canadian culture including the province’s extremely rigid language laws that dictate French be used for all product names, signage, advertising, and tattoos.

“We’re also adding fedoras, yarmulkas and those prissy dazzler things that British princesses wear at horsie races,” she added before turning away to take a call on her Samsung telephone cellulaire.

William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine



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