Rachel Notley Hires Hundreds of Albertans to Unshred Shredded PC Documents

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Paper-Shredders-SizedEDMONTON — In unusually blunt language, Alberta’s Privacy Commissioner has ordered losing Progressive Conservative MLAs to immediately “stop covering their asses” and cease shredding government documents in the dark of the night.

But the damage may have already been done.

Or so thought PC party leaders.

“We’re going to go through a lot of Scotch tape,” NDP Premier-Elect Rachel Notley told the Edmonton Journal this morning in announcing that her new government will reassemble thousands of shredded PC documents.

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“It’s a painstaking job but we have hired more than 200 Albertans at our new minimum wage of $15 per hour to put all those so-called “Confidential” documents back together.”

The Progressive Conservatives raced up to the Legislature and began shredding documents even before Mr. Prentice resigned on election night last week. Albertans are asking why? And why the panic?”

“These documents belong to Albertans…not to the Progressive Conservatives.”

“We’ll rebuild all the documents and post them on our website. That’ll be interesting.”

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The jigsaw-puzzle task of reassembling tens of thousands of shredded PC government memos, draft legislation, fund-raising cheque stubs, and unreleased environmental reports is expected to take months and Notley says it could potentially generate hundreds more related jobs in legal prosecution, law enforcement, and the prison-guard sector.

“Of course I shredded a few things,” one defeated PC MLA who asked to remain anonymous told CTV News at 6.

“Mostly recipes, doodles, a haiku or two…those sorts of things. Nothing sneaky or underhanded about that.”

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Newly-employed workers hired to take on the mammoth task told reporters the work is slow and boring but pays a living wage and is giving them a sense of satisfaction as each new document is reassembled from the bags and bags and bags of skinny paper strips.

“Sure it feels good. I’ve got one late April memo half rebuilt where Mr. Prentice is pretty much begging Prime Minister Harper to come and make a speech or two to help get Alberta voters in line,” said one front-line worker.

“But more important than that, it feels good to know I can feed my kids without working 60 hours a week and going to the food bank.”

Calls to former Premier Jim Prentice’s office were answered by a recorded message that the line is no longer in service.

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine
*With on-the-scene reportering by Craig B.

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