Ramming Can of Beer Up Chicken’s Ass Hottest Summer BBQ Recipe
GALVESTON, TX — Step aside steaks and burgers.
“Drunk-Ass Chicken” is what all the best barbecuers are cookin’ up this summer.
“Makes you wonder who thought of sticking a can of Budweiser up a chicken’s anus doesn’t it?” laughed Dwayne Petty, Editor of the Lone Star Guide to Good Barbecue Eats.
“But it’s stupid-proof and tastes better’n any chicken…even Chick-fil-A.”
“Just be damn sure to open the beer can or…KAPPEW…exploding chicken bits can take an eye out.”
The Lone Star Guide blogged this week that “beer-can sodomized chicken” is quickly becoming the #1 barbecued meal across the south and noted that the new TV ad from Pabst shows a wholesome suburban father showing his cub-scoutish son how to jam a can into a chicken’s south end.
“Only takes about 2 minutes to get it all ready…your average chicken’s asshole is bigger than you think and the can goes in damn easy,” said Petty.
DRUNK-ASS BARBECUED CHICKEN
1) Remove everything inside the chicken. The neck. That little bag of unidentifiable organs called giblets (jib-lets) that they kindly put back into the dead chicken for some unknown reason.
2) Open a can of room-temperature beer. Slurp the foam away. Place the can on a solid surface. Do not attempt this with the can between your legs.
3) Spread the chicken’s legs. Slide the loose anal skin over the top of the beer can and then ram the can as far in as it will go.
4) Stand your beered-up chicken on the center grate of your barbecue.
5) Cook at medium heat with no burner or orange-hot coals directly under the chicken’s ass.
6) Have a beer or three for 1 hour and 15 minutes and chicken is ready.
*Caution: Can will be hot. Beer will be gone
While snooty chefs and culinary experts alike have mockingly named it “hick chicken”, the recipe has become by far the top entry in barbecue cook-offs this year. Bourbon-soaked Oscar Mayer Jalapeno Wieners have also nudged steaks aside as the go-to choice for even amateur back-yard grillers.
“Don’t use light beer though. Makes for sissy-ass chicken,” cautioned Petty.
“And for sure don’t use bottled beer. That would just be dumb.”
Reportering for The Lapine