Romney Buys 42 Taco Bells To Win Over Latino Voters
“I love all those little Mexicans who live in our country,” said Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney as he announced his purchase of 42 Taco Bell franchises across the U.S.
The multi-millionaire has been struggling to gain momentum among the large and influential Latino voter population since his May interview with FOX News when he advocated for the deportation of all Mexicans illegally in the country. “Someone breaks into one of your houses, you don’t ask them to stay for Prime Rib and asparagus,” Romney said at the time.
The Romney investment in Taco Bells, known for their low-cost Mexican food, is estimated to be worth more than $5 million, less inferred tax incentives. Romney admitted that he has never been to a Taco Bell but says one of his drivers goes there often. Romney also said he has never been to Mexico but told reporters, “You don’t have to go to Cairo to like Greek food.”
“Our four boys were practically raised on Mexican food,” said Romney’s wife Ann. “We’d just have Manuel or Miguel…whatever…go to one of those places and bring us back a couple dozen of everything. First Tuesday of every month…Two-For-One Taco Tuesdays.”
The Romney’s adult sons, Tagg, Mitt, Josh, Scooter, and Ben, attended the media conference and weighed in that they all like “the Bell’s food”. Scooter said he finds the food delicious but “it leaves a grease ring around the spa tub,” he laughed.
A Republican spokesperson said this should lay to rest the reports about Romney’s rigid stand on Mexican immigration. “Mitt and Ann are not prejudiced. All of their gardeners are Mexican,” said Betsy Smith.
“The boys and their families love to make a night of it, gathering around eating Taco Bell stuff and watching Mexican Hockey League games on TV,” said close family friend and former First Lady Barbara Bush by phone from Texas.
U.S. Securities filings show that Romney has also recently invested in restaurant chains The Dyke Garden, Bruce’s Bistro, Average Joe’s, Boston Pizza, and Sisters’ Soul Food.
The Mexico City Mayor’s office issued a terse statement: “There are no Taco Bells in Mexico Mitt. Must be why our people go to the U.S.”
“I love those shredded chicken quesadillas,” said Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, eating an Oreo at a downtown Red Cross blood donor clinic. “But you gotta wonder if it’s K-sa-dee-yaa or KWAY-sa-dee-yaa?”
Reporting For The Lapine