Sarah Palin Tells CNN She “Drinksh Jush a Lil Bit”


SarahPalinDrunkJUNEAU — After being caught mistakenly peeing in the Men’s Washroom at a local Texas Roadhouse bar and grill, former politician Sarah Palin denied to CNN today that she binge drinks.

“Okay, okay. Herezz one for ya’. A Mushlim, a Jewishh pershon and a gay Boy Schcout walk into a bar,” Palin was taped saying to CNN’s Wolf Blitzer (not his real name) in the hallway outside the men’s room.

“Of coursh the Schcout shouldn’t be in a bar. Shouldn’t be gay either. Hahahahaha.”

“Okay…letsh change that to a Mushlim, a Jewishh pershon and a Mexshican illegal immagrant. Yeah, thatsh funnier.”

“No idea what the punsch line is…”

Blitzer and a reporter for the Juneau Empire newspaper asked Palin if she realized she’d just used the “Cowboy’s” washroom and she replied “a toiletsh a toilet” and “any port in a schtorm.”

“Have you been drinking Governor Palin?” Blitzer asked as Palin bumped against the hallway wall.

“You betcha there Wolfeee. Who doeshn’t like a schplash er two with lunsch?” replied a slurring Palin.

“Do you have a splash or two very often Governor?” Blitzer persisted.

“Look. I’m jusch a proud ‘merican mother lettin’ her hair down a lil bit…thatsh all,” Palin (50) responded.


“Do you drink every day Governor?” asked the Empire reporter.

“Schome days…but never ever ever with breakfisht. Thatsch a dirty Obama soschalist lie,” said Palin as she turned back into the packed Texas Roadhouse bar and began singing “She’s a Honky Tonk Woman” with the crowd of supporters.

Palin’s recently-launched internet channel, “The Sarah Palin Channel”, is drawing large audiences in Alaska and parts of North Carolina. A popular feature of the unscripted 24-hour channel is the “Goodbye Obama” clock that digitally displays the hours remaining in the President’s time in office.

Governor Palin was taped handing out business cards to the Roadhouse crowd and getting into an arm-wrestling match with a burly, bearded man who told reporters he is a lumberjack by trade.

CNN obtained one of the business cards and it reads:

“Get Even More Sarah!
The Sarah Palin Channel!
Just $9.95 a month!”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine



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