Saskatchewan Knocks Newfoundland Off the Weigh Scales as Pudgiest Province in Canada

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Fat-Bodies-Men-Bathing-Suits-Sized-Shorter-VersionOTTAWA — After 11 years tipping the scales as the chubbiest people in Canada, Newfoundland and Labrador residents have been dethroned by Saskatchewinians according to the annual Health Canada “National Fat Tracking Study” released today.

People in Regina and Saskatoon in particular seem to have packed on some serious pudge in the last 12 months for some reason,” said Dr. Elsa Scott, Director of ParticipACTION Canada.

“Relaxed-fit jean sales have gone through the roof.”

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“The average 30-year-old has gained nearly a kilogram of…well, to make a comparison people might relate to…margarine. People in Saskatchewan are gaining handfuls of belly and butt margarine.”

“We didn’t forecast this at all so we were flab-ergasted by the results. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That sounded funnier in my head than when I said it out loud.”

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The 2015 National Fat Tracking Study results showed that the slimmest people most likely to be annoying about it continue to live in British Columbia, followed by Alberta and Ontario although Torontonians on average gained nearly 350 grams mostly among sedentary males sprouting man breasts.

“We’re urging people in Saskatchewan to get more active and lay off the Doritos for breakfast,” said Scott.

“And to drive right on by that Taco Bell.”

Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall was not available for comment but a spokesman told CTV Regina Morning Live that he supports ParticipACTION in warning Saskatchewinians that curling is not exactly a fat-busting sport, adding that Wall has been the same weight since high school.

Lee Whey
Reportering for The Lapine

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