“Seek Medical Attention” Erection Warning Upped to 10 Hours
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Surgeon General and Health Canada today issued a joint announcement that men taking medications for erectile dysfunction no longer need to rush to the nearest hospital Emergency until they’ve had an erection for at least 10 hours.
“The previous 3 to 4 hour time limit was medically unnecessary and was making a lot of guys feel like they weren’t getting their money’s worth,” said Surgeon General Vice Admiral Vivek Murthy.
“Impotent men can now proudly enjoy an impressive 600 minutes of engorgement without concern, but should shortly thereafter call an ambulance.”
Warning labels on so-called “boner-maker” drugs such as Cialis, Viagra, and Levitra currently warn men to go to a hospital quickly if an erection lasts more than a regulation length football or hockey game, turns a deep plum color, or starts to throb to the bass guitar in any music.
“Erectile dysfunction can happen to anyone,” said Canada’s Minister of Health Rona Ambrose, likely meaning any man.
“Married men and women will now appreciate the additional time to share their love, but the warnings about splotchy rashes, itchy urination, dry-mouth, double vision, or blinding chest pains lasting more than 3 or 4 hours will remain.”
Drugs to treat the inability to get a hardened penis (see also: woody, boner, chubby, hard-on, stiffy) following sexual arousal or just regular dirty thoughts are usually a class of PDE5 inhibitors that increase blood flow to the penis causing a “hydraulic effect”.
It is estimated that 11 out of 10 men will experience erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives.
Reportering for The Lapine