Seniors Angry to Discover World Cup Isn’t Football

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WorldCupBall NEW YORK, TORONTO — “My eyesight isn’t so good but that doesn’t look like a damn football to me,” said Ernie Williams (84) as he and five other seniors watched a World Cup game in the TV room of their assisted-living center today.

Beside him 79-year-old Ida McCook watched the game through thick glasses occasionally saying, “Pass it for Christ sake. Why don’t they bloody well pass it?”

Seniors homes across the United States and Canada are reporting that many of their residents have been eagerly waiting for the World Cup games to get underway but the majority of them are now “pissed off” to find that it’s a soccer competition.

“Our residents have been placing bets on the Seahawks to repeat,” said Moira DeClair, a recreational therapist at Ocean Shores Care Home in Newport, Rhode Island.

“And Bert’s been covering all those wagers…he’s a big Patriot’s fan.”

“All the staff had been saying “it’s soccer, it’s soccer” for weeks but they weren’t buying what it.”

OldPeople

With hundreds of millions of football fans around the world crowded in front of TVs to watch the 32 nations compete for football supremacy in Brazil, the sport has not caught on in North America with television coverage of badminton and women’s golf drawing larger viewing audiences.

“What is this crap? It’s not football,” said an annoyed Walter Smythe (88), a long-time resident of the Misty Hills Senior Citizens’ Residence in Niagara-on-the-Lake in Ontario.

“Shit on a stick. I Googled FIFA and it’s the federal something or other of football…football! How can they say football if it’s not football? Lying assholes,” said the die-hard Hamilton Tiger Cats supporter.

But while some seniors are angry to discover that the World Cup is soccer, others told reporters that they’re willing to give the game a chance but admit they are having to learn the rules.

“I should try to figure out the rules but I mean Lordy just look at those handsome young men running around in their shorts out there,” said Mary deWynters who refused to give her age.

“I do like a sport with athletic bodies. And Celia said they take their shirts off when the football game’s over.”

In Canada, RCMP are warning seniors to be on the alert for a telephone scam asking them to donate money to support Canada’s young World Cup team.

Canada was eliminated in the early 2012 qualifying rounds after a 4-0 loss to a pick-up team of nuns and priests from the sovereign Vatican City State.

Sue Dunum
Reportering for The Lapine

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