Starbucks Bans Baby Strollers — Firearms Optional

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SEATTLE — On the heels of “respectfully requesting” that gun owners “voluntarily” leave their firearms in their pickup trucks before entering a Starbucks, CEO Howard Schultz today announced a total ban on baby strollers.

“Customers can still bring their Glocks or AR-15 Assault Rifles into Starbucks and get their macchiato but we’re kinda asking them kinda maybe not to,” he said in explaining why the chain did not issue an actual ban on firearms in their 12,000 U.S. stores.

“But inattentive mothers and fathers bang and crash their strollers into walls, tables, old people. Those things are wheeled weapons and can cause serious injuries.”

The ban takes effect October 15th to give Starbucks time to install “Baby Buggy Corrals” for locking up strollers outside all Starbucks outlets, including the smaller Starbucks stores owned by Safeway and Target. Starbucks says they will keep the cost to lock up a stroller at about a dollar.

“I was in one of our Phoenix stores and saw a stressed-out looking woman plow her double-stroller with two crying kids right into a man sitting quietly sipping his Tall Pumpkin Spice Latte for only $3.75,” said Schultz shaking his head.

“But he was a responsible gun owner and reached for but did not pull his hand gun from his hip holster. Seeing that, I knew strollers had to go.”

The National Rifle Association (NRA) has issued a statement saying they support the outright ban on strollers in Starbucks and appreciate the continued freedom given to gun owners.

“Many of our regional groups hold their meetings in Starbucks and we’re pleased that will be able to continue,” said Wayne LaPierre, NRA CEO.

 

Jeff Keegan
Reportering for The Lapine

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