Pope Declares That ‘Doggy Heaven’ Does Not Exist
FLORENCE, ITALY — There is no doggy heaven, Pope Francis revealed this week. Unaware that he was being covertly monitored during a recent visit to the Uffizi Gallery, he is reported to have made...
Tagged: religion
Truckloads of Emergency Gideon Bibles Sent to Thirsty Detroiters
DETROIT — Thousands of people lined up early this morning at local schoolyards to receive what they’d heard through the grapevine was free bottled water. The good news rumors were wrong and they all...
Jesus Still Doesn’t Appear on Mississippi Man’s Toast
JACKSON, MS — As yet another two slices of evenly-browned toast pop up, 46-year-old Stanley (Stan) Nault studies them carefully and then tosses them in the garbage can with the dozens of others. The...
Hobby Lobby to Enforce “Respectable Cotton Panties” Rule for Employees
OKLAHOMA CITY — On the heels of the Supreme Court ruling that family-owned businesses could deny contraceptive medical coverage to workers, Hobby Lobby’s two owners announced late today that thong underwear is against their...
90% of Sinners Plan Death-Bed Repentance
NEW YORK — Hedging their bets, most North American adults who sin a little say they plan to ask for forgiveness just before coughing up their last breath according to a study released in...
Mother Teresa’s Ear Still Biggest Crowd Draw at Vatican
VATICAN CITY — One of Pope Francis’ first acts after being elected Pontiff of the Catholic Church was to order the body of the late Blessed Teresa of Calcutta to be put on view...
