Ted Cruz Accuses Harper of Giving Fear Mongering a Bad Name


WASHINGTON — Texas Tea Party Senator Ted Cruz called out Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper today for going too far with the scare-the-shit-out-of-voters technique.

Speaking to reporters on the steps of the U.S. Capital Building, Cruz harshly criticized Harper for being too obvious with his “drum-thumping” references to terrorists, unpatriotic women wearing Islamic hoodies, balancing the budget no matter what it costs, and even more terrorists.

“Look. I like what Stephen’s done with Canada so far but a potential terrorist in every 7-Eleven? Even I wouldn’t try that one,” said Cruz (44).

“I think of Stephen as a mentor and I take notes every time he says or does anything…I mean his Bill C-51 is a doozy isn’t it?”


“But I had to Facebook him the other day and say whoa there big guy. Dial it down a couple of notches. You’re making all of us conservatives look like political screechers.”

With a federal election coming on October 19th or sooner, Harper (55) remains committed to balancing his government’s budget but seems largely focused on shifting Canadians’ attention spans to the likelihood that ISIS terrorists will attack Canada with the help of home-grown terrorists pretending to be just environmental protestors.

The Calgary-born Cruz is close friends with Prime Minister Harper but told reporters the Canadian leader has not replied to his Facebook message.


“We Skype every Sunday so I’m sure we’ll be talking about his tactics on this whole frightening the masses thing,” said Cruz.

“He knows how to play to his supporters so there’s a chance he does know what he’s doing.”

“As always, I’ll be taking notes.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine



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