Ted Cruz Announces Ted Cruz Will Be His VP Running Mate

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WASHINGTON — Texas Senator Ted Cruz has tossed his cowboy hat into the GOP race to be the party’s candidate for President in 2016 and stunned media by breaking protocol and naming his running mate right out of the gate.

“I’m proud to introduce my choice to be the next Vice President of the United States,” Cruz told reporters gathered beneath Lincoln’s feet at the Lincoln Memorial this morning.

“A man I greatly respect and admire. A man with the vision to make America strong again. A man of few words.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, my next Vice President of the United States, my closest man-friend…Ted Cruz.”

The Washington Post reports that media were unsure if Senator Cruz was serious and fell silent as the Tea Party favorite dramatically stepped aside and turned the microphone over to himself.

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“Thank you Senator Cruz,” said vice presidential candidate Senator Cruz.

“Thank you America. I’m humbled to accept the challenge of making this great country less of a spineless wimp…to work with you, Senator Cruz, to make America safe from illegal immigrants and make us great again.”

As a few snickers could be heard from reporters, vice presidential candidate Cruz (44) said only a few quick words and then turned the mic back to presidential candidate Cruz (44) who then went on to praise the record of vice presidential candidate Cruz.

“Ted Cruz and I and my father, Rafael, are the right team for an America that has lost its way,” said Cruz.

Senator Cruz is considered a long shot to win the GOP nomination and experts say he will have to overcome past controversies where he stepped in it big time, including his famous Green Eggs and Ham filibuster, a near brawl in a Hooters, and his public stunts to prove climate change is just really stupid stuff created by nervous-nelly scientists.

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Cruz told media that he’s not losing beauty sleep over polls that show him dead last among possible candidates for the GOP nomination and reminded reporters that he has twice been voted the sexiest politician in Texas by Republican women and deeply-closeted gays.

“In closing, Ted and I would just like to say God Bless America,” said Canadian-born Cruz.

“Yes I Can.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine

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