The Honourable Pierre Poilievre Personally Signs all 3.8 Million Child Benefit Cheques

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OTTAWA — As parents across Canada got their new child benefit cheques in the mail today, many danced a jig when they saw that they got a whack more money than they used to get.

And some said they spotted the small Conservative Party logo on the Government of Canada cheques.

But most people didn’t notice the kiddie-like signature of the man Stephen Harper says is like a son to him — the man who came up with the strategy of giving $3 billion to voting parents right before an election — the Right Honourable Pierre Poilievre, Minister of State for Democratic Re-Reform.

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“I’m proud to announce today that millions of families will receive really, really big cheques from the Harper government,” said a grinning Poilievre to Parliament Hill reporters, repeating what he’d already told them multiple times over the past 3 weeks.

“And to prove that our Harper government loves all the little childrens, I have personally signed each and every one of those cheques…it’s like voters getting free money and my autograph to boot.”

“I mean it.  I really did sit down for two weeks and signed all 3 million, 816 thousand, 251 cheques worth more than $3 billion — man, my hand cramped up but I switched to my other hand…and then started using my feet.”

"I like signing cheques," said The Honourable Pierre Poilievre, Minister of State for Democratic Re-Reform and other activities as assigned by Prime Minister Harper.

“I like signing cheques,” said The Honourable Pierre Poilievre, Minister of State for Democratic Re-Reform and other activities as assigned by Prime Minister Harper.

The new and improved Universal Child Care Benefit program is designed to “help Canadian families balance work and family life” by giving parents of voting age gobs of new of money from Prime Minister Harper — and Mr. Poilievre.

“Me giving…sorry…Prime Minister Harper giving voters big money at election time has nothing to do with winning another majority,” said Poilievre.

“That would be politics at its tackiest.  But I do hope people notice that I signed all the cheques…I did mention it in the TV ads.”

Lee Whey
Reportering for The Lapine

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