Top 3 Cuss Words on Twitter


“Ass-Hat” is the #1 rude word on Twitter, used nearly 1,000 times per second according to a report by marketing analysis firm Social Media User Diagnostics.

“48% of tweets contain at least one word that would make anyone named Mildred or Ida blush,” said Steve Gates (no relation to Steve Jobs), West Coast VP of Analysis for SMUD. “And fully half of those call someone either an “ass-hat” or a “fudgy ass-hat.”

While “phuck”…and all its related spelling and usage variations (phucker, phuckwad, phuckface, phucktubesock, phucketyphuckphuck, etc.)…dominates Facebook for swear usage, the word doesn’t even make the top three among “deeper-thinking, more expressive Twitter users”, according to Gates.

“Ass-hat” means pretty much what it sounds like it means, according to tweeters: a play on the long-standing insult of “sticking your head up your ass”, an act which the American Chiropractic Association has repeatedly pointed out is impossible, as has the British Orifice Surgeons’ College.

Dr. Eekbert Wienhardt of the American International School of Languages in Hamburg, Germany, was asked to use the word in a sentence:

“John Boehner is an ass-hat,” was his reply.

When pressed to use the word in a clearer, more self-explanatory sentence, Dr. Wienhardt replied:

“Prime Minister Stephen Harper is an ass-hat.”

#2 on the Twitter swear word list was “Douche-Nozzle”, another hyphenated word that even linguists admit is puzzling and likely coined by a try-hard teenage male. Proctor and Gamble, makers of the ‘SMELL ME’ line of douches, say they have never made douches with any sort of nozzle, power-spray, or super-soaker feature.

#3 on the list is an adjective that is new to North Americans but is wildly popular among youth in Norway and Sweden: “Fanus”.

Pronounced “flubinkeabumwum”, “fanus” is a rude play on the word “famous.” Starting with the letter ‘f’, which is largely assumed to mean “phucking”, it has “anus” as its back end. The word is used to harshly refer to any famous person (usually an actor, politician, athlete, or the singer Bjork) who is seen as stupid, not deserving of their fame, and a complete ass-hat.

“The fanus Ryan Seacrest…” is often tweeted and is considered a good example of the word in correct grammatical usage.

Mr. Seacrest has issued a statement thanking his fans for their support and recognition.

William Yum
Reporting for The Lapine



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