Trudeau and Putin Get into Tense Handshake Squeeze-Off at G20


Trudeau-Putin-sizedANTALYA, TURKEY — Canadian officials are not commenting today after CNN and BBC reported that Russian President Vladimir Putin tried to squeeze Canadian PM Justin Trudeau’s hand into submission during a handshake at the G20 meetings.

“Well that didn’t go well for Mr. Putin,” CNN reporter Michelle Kosinski said of the chance first meeting between the two leaders.

“Putin and Trudeau were passing each other in a hallway when a grinning Putin stepped towards Trudeau with his hand extended.”


“The rookie Canadian PM accepted the handshake but it was clear immediately that Putin was trying to crush the younger leader’s hand.”

“Prime Minister Trudeau stepped closer to President Putin and said something our microphones were unable to pick up. Whatever Trudeau said, we could see Putin instantly bristle and then the two men just stayed in a hand grip and stared at each other silently for approaching a half minute.”


“Mr. Putin was the first to break the grip and we could see him giving his hand a small shake as he walked away.”

BBC is since reporting that the Canadian Prime Minister is “rumpy pumpy athletic indeed” and has a “scrummy brill bod” from regular boxing and weight training, and recently gave a fan a unique selfie by doing one-armed pushups with the fan sitting on his back.

BBC described Putin’s body as “a bit squidgy”.


Media had been anxiously anticipating the first meeting between Trudeau (43) and Putin (63) following the recent Canadian election campaign where Trudeau told reporters that he would not miss the chance to tell Putin to his face that he is a “pot-bellied little bully with passive aggressive tendencies and severe sexual identity issues.”

“With all that’s going on in the world right now, this seemingly small diplomatic moment between Putin and Trudeau is likely to get overlooked,” said Kosinski.

“But it was tense political and personal drama I’ve got to say.”

“Trudeau over Putin by a clear TKO.”

“But wouldn’t it be interesting to have heard what Trudeau said to Putin? We’ll be following up on that right here on CNN.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine




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