Trudeau Announces Bike-Only Lanes for Trans-Canada Highway

Shares

trudeau-ice-cream-cone-sized-bigOTTAWA — Liberal leader Justin Trudeau donned spandex shorts and a Canadian Tire bike helmet this morning to unveil a key part of his election platform to reporters.

Bicycle-only lanes along the entire 8,030 kilometres (4,990 miles) of the Trans-Canada Highway.

“Highway bike lanes for the middle class have been shamelessly ignored by the Harper government,” said Trudeau straddling a 26” CCM Maple Leaf road bike with reflective hand-grip tassels.

“How many more hard working, middle-class Canadians have to get squished by a Lexus before Mr. Harper was planning on doing something about this pressing issue?”

Bikes-on-TransCanada-copy-sized

I am ready to fight for the things that are vitally important to average Canadian voters.”

“It’s time for Real Change (du Vrai Changement).”

Trudeau’s Liberal party trails badly in voter-intention polls but the party has vowed to announce a new promise to fix something in the country every day leading up to the October 19 election.

The five-year plan to build a national cycling infrastructure is the first of those announcements with Trudeau expected to outline plans in the coming days to save Canadians from hoards of terrorists through small tweaks to Bill C-51, acknowledge that climate change might be something to think about, and put dozens more dollars in the average voter’s wallet, among other issues.

Mulcair-laughing-sized

“Mr. Trudeau is going after the all-important bicycling segment of voters,” said a Globe and Mail editorial in today’s online edition.

“This could change the whole election.”

Working in conjunction with Cycling Canada’s Finance and Administrations Director, Brett Stewart, Trudeau has seen his bike proposal meet with praise from some circles and open scoffing from others.

“Canadians haven’t recognized how important highway bicycling safety is,” said Stewart.

Harper-bicycle-sized-big

“The average number of bicyclists on the Trans-Canada has risen by almost 4% in the last decade alone according to the 2014 federal transportation survey. Mr. Trudeau is the only leader tackling this national embarrassment.”

Appearing on Canada AM this morning, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair said that Trudeau’s two-wheeler plan is “stranger than strange” but spent most of the interview laughing almost uncontrollably.

“Hahahahahaha…oh that’s priceless! Are you punking me? Is Rick Mercer behind this? Bike lanes on the Trans-Canada…I love it!”

Harper Chief Spokesman Rob Nicol went further saying the Prime Minister thinks Trudeau is “pretty much an idiot”.

Nathan Shaw — Reportering for The Lapine

Shares

Comments

You may also like...