Trudeau Poses In Speedo To Raise Money


MONTREAL -In a move many see as a sure sign Justin Trudeau will seek the leadership of the federal Liberal Party, Justin Trudeau donned a skimpy Speedo bathing suit for a three-hour photo shoot in Montreal that earned him what is reported to be a six-figure fee.

Removing his terry cloth robe on the chilly photo set, Trudeau seemed nervous as he stepped in front of the lights and crew members did last minute make-up touch-ups, and what one wardrobe worker described as “bathing suit alignment adjustments.”

“Part of this money will go to charity,” Trudeau told gathered reporters.  “I’m not doing it just for the exposure.”

Following the announcement that Rob Rae would not go after the federal party’s top job, pressure has mounted on the son of the late, former Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau to step into the bright lights and make a leadership run.  Spokesperson Andre Poseur said the youthful Trudeau has gone through a process of reviewing all his leadership assets but has yet to make a firm decision.

“This is beyond cheeky,” said Thomas Mulcair, NDP leader of the Official Opposition that Trudeau would be trying to overtake if he lets his name stand.  “Quebecois want to see less of Monsieur Trudeau, not more.  I’m sure Canadians feel the same.”

Speedo bathing suits are known around the world for their “use of little fabric” and have been the suit of choice for competitive swimmers such as American Olympic medalist Michael Phelps.  The revealing suits have also become popular with some beach vacationers but have become the butt of jokes aimed at “hefty haulers”.   Several Florida resorts have banned Speedos and several others have warning signs posted on pathways to the beach fronts.

“The guy’s a dink,” said Toronto Maple Leaf GM Brian Burke.

“We need someone with bigger thinking,” said one Liberal MP who asked not to be named.

Speedos were originally designed as underwear by Scotsman Alexander MacRae in 1914 and were only decades later sold as “bathing costumes.”  While less revealing in their original version, the suits were considered a “risk of causing offense and faintness.”   Now manufactured by the Pentland Group of Sydney, Australia, that also makes White Stag ski wear, Speedos are sold in Canada at SportsChek, Sears, Swim Shack and Canadian Tire.

“Justin is an ideal spokesperson and we’re pleased to launch the Speedo Trudeau model today,” announced a media release from Speedo USA.  An attached photo shows the suit Justin Trudeau modeled, featuring a large Maple leaf centred on the fabric with smaller leafs to the right and left.

“Now the Liberals are hawking budgie smugglers?” read the morning headline in the Globe and Mail.

Weakerleaks and the CBC have also attained documents that show Trudeau has applied for a permit to high-wire walk across Niagara Falls.

The Prime Minister’s Office declined to comment when contacted by phone but background laughter was recorded during the call.  A spokesperson for former Prime Minister and Liberal party leader Jean Chretien said Mr. Chretien has no comment and no plans to switch from his Bermudas.

“I like banana hammocks,” said Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.  “They’re comfy.”


Steve Boyd

Reporting for The Lapine



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