Trump Demands Hillary Wear a Skirt to Debates or He Won’t Show

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NEW YORK — Donald Trump told a crowd of hooting supporters today that he will not take part in any of the upcoming presidential debates if Hillary Clinton “dresses like a man”.

“Two words!  Pantsuits,” Trump shouted to the roomful of mostly male Republicans who jeered ‘Lock Her Up’ every time Trump mentioned Clinton.

“Pantsuits are awful.  Awful.  The awfullest.  Not feminine at all.  She might as well wear sweat pants.”Clinton-Accepting-Nomination-Pantsuit-Sized“And pantsuits are not what American women wear when they want to get attention.  At least not the American women I like to associate with.  Am I right?  Am I right?  I’m right.  You know I’m right, right?  I’m always right.”

“So if Crooked Hillary won’t dress like an American woman should — in a nice dress or a skirt, nylons, maybe a necklace or scarf — then the debates are off!”Clinton-Pantsuit-Array-SizedTrump’s demand that Clinton not appear at the scheduled debates in one of her trademark pantsuits comes on the heels of several recent attempts by Trump to get out of going one-on-one with the Democratic candidate.

A New York Times editorial suggested today that Trump is afraid of debating Clinton because “his head would burst like a microwaved tomato if he lost to a woman”.  Social media has jumped on Trump’s attempts to wiggle out of the debates and #TrumpDebateExcuses is now one of the top trending hashtags.

Earlier this week, Trump accused the Hillary camp of rigging the debate dates so only small audiences of black people would watch.  Following this, Trump said the NFL had written him asking him not to appear on two of the dates that conflict with games, a claim the NFL said was totally untrue — the league then flagged Trump for “objectionable conduct”.  Trump’s request to have a big brass marching band on the debate stage with him was turned down earlier this morning.Donald-Hooters-Sized“Look. I know Clinton has dresses — Hillary not Bill…well maybe Bill has dresses…who knows?” said Trump.

“But I know Hillary has dresses because she wore one to one of my weddings. The second one I think. No. It was the third one. Great wedding. The best.”

“So Hillary has at least one dress.  I saw it.  It’s nice.  Not the best but nice.”

“She wears a dress and we debate — I’ll debate her so hard her limp hair will curl.  She wears men’s pants and I won’t be there.”

“But the whole election’s rigged so I might not debate anyway.”

Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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