Trump Says Uncircumcised Men are Un-American and Smell Bad
ATLANTA — Just one day after the NY Times said Donald Trump was “running out of people to slander”, the GOP presidential frontrunner hit below the belt at a new target.
Men who still have their entire foreskins.
“True-blue, patriotic American men walk with…you know…a certain swagger. They’re proud to be circumcised,” Trump told a crowd of enthusiastic supporters in a sudden shift from the topics he had been talking about — the good deed he did for a Miss Universe when he called her Miss Piggy, how posttraumatic stress disorder is a weakness, and how he is a genius for not paying taxes for nearly 22 years.
“I mean look. I happen to know that President Obama is not circumcised — I saw it with my own eyes,” said Trump as he continued his campaign to “Make America Great Again”.
“So what’s that tell you about our President? It’s just not right for the Commander in Chief to be uncircumcised.”
“I have an incredible memory and I remember reading about all these foreigners who are uncircumcised and how that makes them shifty and dangerous. And that same article talked about the body odor that uncut men have — if you’ve ever gotten a whiff of it at a market or getting on an elevator say, you know that’s not the way America smells.”
Trump’s comments received enthusiastic support from the Georgia crowd but news reporters were stunned with CNN’s Anderson Cooper seen laughing nervously on air and asking repeatedly, “Did he just say that?”
‘The Donald’, as Trump refers to himself, has been under increasing criticism of late for his attacks on overweight women, non-Christians, foreigners, people who look like foreigners, people who might have once been foreigners, and anyone who says he is a bigot.
“Look. I get hundreds of tweets every day from Americans saying how frustrating it is working with uncircumcised co-workers who take a break every few hours to wipe their gear down with a soggy tea bag,” said Trump.
“That’s not helping our American workforce be more productive. I give an afternoon off with pay to any of my employees who want to go and get de-flapped…that’s what young kids call it these day.”
“That’s the kind of leadership America needs right now!”
Trump (70) refused to answer ‘Meet the Press’ host Chuck Todd’s question if he himself is circumcised but Todd admitted on air that he was glad Trump did not answer.
“From his comments, you’ve got to presume Mr. Trump is circumcised. I…ummm…I apologize to all our viewers for the image that just brought into your heads,” said Todd.
Reportering for The Lapine