Trump’s Sons Fighting Over Which One Gets to be Vice President

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NEW YORK — The New York Times is reporting today that Donald Trump has told his two sons that one of them will be his VP and the brothers are now “at each other’s throats” to win their father’s nod.

Literally.

The Times article says that police and paramedics were called to Trump Tower last night after his two sons lashed out and bloodied each other’s noses resulting in both men being treated at the scene for minor injuries.

“The NYPD says Donald Trump Junior (38) sustained injuries to his scalp from his younger brother Eric attacking him and pulling his hair,” said the Times article.

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Eric Trump (32) was treated by paramedics for a hand injury from having brother Donald Junior angrily bend his baby finger back in what a housemaid said was “not much of a fight but a whole lot of face slapping and screaming in high-pitched voices”.”

The brothers were reportedly challenged by their father, Donald Senior, to prove to him which one deserves to be his running mate in the November presidential election. Neither Donald Junior nor Eric have any political experience, a track record they share with their father.

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The Times article says that insiders indicate the brothers are very, very similar with political views identical to their father. Both men are anti-immigration, anti-Obamacare, and like big game hunting, high-stakes gambling, golf, and their step-mother, Melania.

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Donald Trump Junior is Executive Vice President of The Trump Organization, and Eric Trump is also Executive Vice President of The Trump Organization.

The younger Trump brother Eric received major news attention recently when an envelope containing a “mysterious white powder” was delivered to his Manhattan penthouse.  Competitive as always, older brother Donald Junior assured reporters two days ago that he is very likely going to receive his own even bigger envelope with even more white powder “any day now”.

FBI labs have since confirmed that substance was Dr. Scholl’s Odor Eating Food Powder.

Failed GOP candidate Chris Christie told New Jersey 101.5 radio that the NY Times article is “bad, bad reporting”.

“Donald has assured me I am going to be his Vice President,” said Christie.

“He said I will be the best VP ever. He promised.”
Robin Steele
Reportering for The Lapine

 

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