U.S. Agents Raid Vancouver Seniors’ Home Looking for Pot Grow Op — Get Whacked With a Cane

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VANCOUVER — Seattle-based agents of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency mistakenly stormed Vancouver’s English Bay Retirement Village today believing it to be a marijuana grow op but 79-year-old Ida McCook was having none of it.

In her own words, Ms. McCook “clobbered a few of those buggers” and “told them to get the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of Canada.”

“We had just served low tea with jammy scones and finger sandwiches when all these men in black with small Stars and Stripes badges on their shoulders burst into the library room,” said Marny Bales, Manager of the Village. “Everyone was pretty scared.”

“But then Ida…Ms. McCook…just stood up out of her chair and starting walloping them. They backpedalled to the door pretty fast I must say.”

“Ida sure got mad. Never seen her move so fast,” added 84-year-old resident Stanley Findley. “She’s got the arthritis in her knees but you wouldn’t have known it today.”

The DEA conducted the raid on Canadian soil under the provisions of the broad 2011 Canada U.S. perimeter security pact, officially titled the ‘Declaration on a Shared Vision for Perimeter Security and Economic Competitiveness’. The terms of the agreement allow local, state and federal U.S. police to conduct investigations and make arrests in Canada if they involve “cooperative law and security efforts.”

“The intel was solid but we made a mistake obviously,” said DEA Senior Agent Douglas Whitman.

“No charges of obstruction will be laid against Ida Grace McCook.”

Vancouver Police Chief Constable Jim Chu said the VPD was unaware of the planned raid and was unsure if the DEA had first obtained a warrant.

“It was an honest mistake between friends,” said Jason MacDonald, Director of Communications for Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s office. “It could just as easily happen to Canadian agents if we ever try to enforce laws across the border. The President and Prime Minister are serious about the war on drugs and we will continue to seek out and shut down dangerous and illegal marijuana grow ops.”

Outrage hit instantly on social media with thousands of comments almost entirely expressing anger about American police agents operating in Canada and admiration for Ida McCook.

“Ida! Ida! Ida! You’re my hero. NO U.S. COPS IN CANADA,” posted tdotguy.

Chief Chief Constable Chu said he has asked the DEA for assurances that no other operations will be undertaken in Vancouver without his prior approval.

“And I can assure you that there is no truth to the rumour that Washington State Troopers have been issuing speeding tickets on Oak Street or the Lions Gate.”

William Yum
Reportering for The Lapine

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