U.S. Handwriting Experts Flag Harper’s Degenerating Signature
NEW YORK — A group of leading U.S. forensic handwriting experts have raised concerns about what might be going on in Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s head after analyzing his never-the-same-twice official signature, according to documents released today by the N.Y. Times.
“Mr. Harper’s signature, quite frankly, has become an almost flippant scrawl,” said Dr. Charles West, head of the Department of Psychology at Cornell University.
“It was a normal politician’s show-offy signature when Mr. Harper first became Canada’s leader.”
“But now it has become something an angry drunk might write.”
“This signature break-down is indicative of psychotic euphoria…a mental ego-event if you will.”
“Ethically, we were honor-bound to raise red flags.”
Harper (56) was first elected Canada’s Prime Minister in 2006 with a minority government and has gone on to win successive majority governments ever since.
The Times is reporting that the group of six Ivy League universities have been studying personality disorders in world leaders since 2003 and have recently raised Russian President Vladimir Putin and Prime Minister Harper to “Approach With Caution” levels.
Prime Minister Harper’s Chief Spokesman Rob Nicol dismissed the report as “political quackery by American liberals who have Daddy issues because they were not breast fed as babies.”
“I assure you that the Prime Minister is as calm and sane as I am,” Nicol angrily told the Toronto Star.
“Mr. Harper has tweeted President Obama asking him to investigate these handwriting nutballs as terrorist threats.”
“I would note that Canadian scientists have remained silent about these absolutely unfounded, kookoo-as-Cocoa-Puffs accusations.”
Reportering for The Lapine