United States Sees Positive Trends In Education System

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The United States is ridiculed for many things, a broken education system, a broken political system, a broken healthcare system, a broken economy, a broken justice system. Yet there have been positive trends of late within the education system of the United States. These positive trends are attributed to a wide variety of different factors.

The union of middle school geography teachers has praised successive government’s third world warmongering for partially succeeding in making Geography more relevant to everyday Americans. As one Californian high school teacher and part time dishwasher put it. “Now when I mention Iraq or Somalia to my class I will occasionally detect a flicker of interest.” The statistics back him up to; American students are ‘less worse’ at Geography than they were. Yet other initiatives of the non military kind are also to credit for a strengthening education system, namely new initiatives encouraging reading as patriotic.

According to a new study published by the American Institute of Literary achievement; almost six percent of ‘tea partiers’ can now read at a fourth grade level. This is a considerable jump from the one point five percent literary rate recorded amongst the group of April of last year when the previous survey was carried out. Yet statistics can be deceiving, Ann Henderson, who directed the survey, believes that the gains are even greater. “After all,” she explained, “most Tea Partiers, like six year old girls who also, not entirely coincidently, hold tea parties; grow out of it soon after learning to read. Thus we have educated, proportionately, far more people than those in group statistics would imply.

House Republicans meanwhile, criticized the new reading initiatives as Obamacation; claiming that education was a Democratic propaganda tool. John Boehner, House Majority speaker, pointed out that the more education a person receives the less likely they are to vote Republican. Republican Senator John McCain endorsed this view with a statement condemning mandatory elementary education, claiming that it was un-American to force Americans to do anything. “With no way left for children to opt out, this is big government telling our children what to do. This is an infringement of the constitution.” Mr. McCains words may have some merit, a survey of kindergarten students by PNAC, a right wing New York based think tank, found that an overwhelming eighty percent of elementary school students would like the option to opt out of school altogether.

If Republicans manage to tap into previously ignored wells of discontent, perhaps they will be able to unseat Mr. Obama in the next election. The president, however, struck back at Republicans in an hour long speech in which he referred to opposing arguments as both “Exceedingly articulate and very well thought out.” For now, the political debate on education and patriotism rages on.

Meanwhile, in other international news, The Lapine travels to The Hague, to analyze the trial of the architect of the Srebrenica Genocide, Ratko Mladic. Surprisingly, Mladic’s defense attorney, a very smart man, believes that the former Serbian general  is completely innocent of all charges.

Brian Smith

The Lapine’s Senior Political Analyst

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