Wind Turbines Killing off “Cute Little Bees”…Not Harmless Pesticides — Monsanto

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ST. LOUIS, MO — “Millions and zillions of poor little bees are getting their heads chopped off and their fuzzy little bodies mulched by wind turbines every minute of every day.”

That according to Monsanto Company CEO Hugh Grant (no relation to the English actor) who spoke out today against “vicious slurs by really mean scientists” who are blaming the widespread use of chemical pesticides for the massive collapse of bee populations across North America.

“Used properly, chemical pesticides are as safe as Febreze Lovely Lilac air mist,” Grant told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

“They are NOT killing bees. Hell, we’ve got hives and hives of healthy, happy bees that love to cool off with a quick dip in a holding pond of Roundup Ready…the Farmer’s Friend.”

“But is anybody talking about the slaughter of bees by all those goody-two-shoes wind turbines? Noooo.”

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With a recorded loss of more than 44% of bee populations, scientists have proven that 85% of bee deaths are caused by exposure to air-borne pesticides containing neonicotinoids and/or fipronil, common in agricultural sprays and consumer pesticides such as RAID made by Monsanto.

Reportedly 36 bees were killed at a power-generating wind farm in California in 2009.

“How can I say this politely? That asshole is lying…yeah, that’s about as polite as I can be,” said Greenpeace spokesperson Adele Waters.

“Pesticides are wiping out bees. Period. Wind turbines aren’t chopping them up. Solar panels aren’t frying them. Electric cars aren’t running them over.”

More than 200 studies not sponsored by chemical companies have shown that bee exposure to a broad range of pesticides which “sticky-coat” the leaves and flowers of agricultural plants have resulted in the relatively new phenomenon of Chronic Colony Disorder (CCD).

“If there aren’t enough bees to pollinate plants and trees, say so long to apples, oranges, potatoes, tomatoes, every fruit and vegetable…there’ll be empty bins in the produce departments,” said Waters.

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“No more french fries.”

The New York Sunday Times referred to the top chemical pesticide producers as “the Big Three”:
o Monsanto ($14.86 billion in annual revenue, also sells genetically-modified seeds to farmers)
o Bayer (also makes Aspirin)
o DuPont (also makes house paint).

With 59,000 wind turbines in the U.S. and Canada now producing an estimated 80,000 megawatts of what is considered environmentally-friendly electricity, political opposition and Facebook trolling has mostly come from the oil and gas industry. The Post-Dispatch wrote today that this is the first attack on wind power generation to come from chemical pesticide and herbicide manufacturers and called it “pretty stupid.”

“Mr. Grant must have been sniffing glue,” the newspaper gently chided in their editorial.

“Look. Our pesticides are made from natural herbs and spices and some other things,” said Grant.

“Bees actually like the stuff.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine

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